(that is those who even bothered to care in the first place)

I guess it’s time I just suck it up. 

God, that’s so much harder than it sounds..

What the hell gives you the right to find my blog and read everything on it and tell me to delete it? Why do you think that she can control me? I am eighteen fricken years old. I am legal. I can drive a car, buy cigarettes, move out. If you let me get a job with enough hours to pay for all that I probably would. Next year I will be 5 hours away and what will you do then? 

I am fine.

No I’m not happy. I don’t remember a time when I was truly happy. Certainly not recently. Sure times here and there but the thing that occupies my mind most often is how many more hours minutes seconds until I can lay in my bed. Sleep is the only place I find comfort. 

I am sick of you and your “cleverness”. I am sick of you trying to tell me how to live my life. I am sick of living here and being around these people. I hate it. All of it. I don’t hate you but you make it so damn hard not to when you act like this. You’re the adult remember?

And I know you will be reading this. You can probably hear me typing in from downstairs and within minutes you will be on your computer tracking this post down. 

Go ahead yell at me. But don’t you dare talk to me. 

And right now that’s all I want to think about

because if I don’t then I’ll start to think about other things

like how he didn’t talk to me for a month

and how she gets to go to a private school for free

and how some unknown person hates me

and how I’m falling very behind in school

and how jealous I am of her

and how I hurt him 

and how he’s very confusing

and how many pronouns that is and each one a different person

and how I should stop feeling sorry for myself..

Anonymous asked: 20 more days doesn't mean people are going to stop hating you. the people at your "terrible" college will get just as sick of you.

No it doesn’t. But it does mean that I will be 5 hours from them and will not have to deal with their petty drama and small-town mindsets. 

And perhaps I have been feeling a little too sorry for myself, but how would you feel if you got into the tenth best architecture school in the world but couldn’t go there because of money?

Anonymous asked: this is not the same anon from before but it obviously does matter what other people think of you or it wouldn't bother you. You act like you're so hated but maybe you should stop being so hate-able. you cant go a sentence without complaining. suck it up and shut up and maybe you wouldn't get so much hate.

Do I even know you? 

And if you’re so self-righteous then why are you sending anonymous hate mail? Be courageous and tell me to my face. How can I be a better person and nicer to you if I don’t even know who you are or what I did to offend you? 

Would someone please explain to me how I am a whore and why people have randomly begun to hate me when I’m pretty sure I haven’t changed much in the past two days?

I know I should probably just listen to Jesse and ignore it while repeating “twenty more days”. And I don’t care what people think of me, it’s just upsetting.

Anonymous asked: whore,eww

whore: noun, derogatory. A prostitute. 

me: noun, A virgin.

Nope I don’t actually think those two things are the same. 

Anonymous asked: why are you such a whinny bitch really? if you have become a robot wake the fuck up and stand up for yourself. and stop whining about it. that's not going to make it any better. you are pathetic if you cant do that.

I had no idea that any of my followers disliked me so much but I suppose you learn something new everyday..

Anyway, you clearly don’t know the story since it’s not about standing up for myself, it’s about being compassionate and caring about things that I should care about but have become cold and indifferent to. I’m not happy about hurting people who care about me since there are so few of them. 

And I don’t know what I did to offend you but I’m sorry.

I have no fears

I lack emotion

and I shed no tears..